Let's Just Be Friends

Subject: One attractive girl.
Problem: Having and keeping a guy friend. By friend, we mean "just friend".

So far this kind of subject having this type of problem can be viewed as being part of one of the following two categories:

1. Happy - go - lucky - I- Have - no - clue - what's - going - on kind of girl, who believes that her guy friend is just a friend.
We carefully prepared a list of hints, in our intent to help the poor thing:
- There is no Santa Claus
- Extrapolating, we believe that the Easter Bunny is total BS
- The mothership is not coming
- If it is coming, it is not a mother, nor is it a ship;
- According to Thomas L Friedman, the world is flat; we believe quite the opposite

As the pieces of the puzzle come together, sweet girl you will see that, as long as you are pretty, all that your guy friends want to do, is you.

2. A girl that has a clue, she knows that her guy friends are not in it just for the friendship.
This second type of girl knows that the only way you can really have a guy friend is to have a gay guy friend.
These girls find the situation rather frustrating but, there is hope.

Below, there is a comprehensive list of tips that would make us want to just be your friend:

- Gain weight; lots of it; make it so that jumping you is easier than going around you. Suggested weight control technique: jogging backwards; (suggested route: from McDonalds to Burger King)
- Once you are fat enough, buy a pair of sweatpants having the words "PINK" or "Juicy" written on your buttocks.
- Shower at most once a week; when you do it, shower just partially. One limb at a time.
- When we ask "How come you look so happy all the time?" answer with "I found God". Then insist on us visiting your church, the most obvious shortcut for getting a glimpse of the divine.
- Burp every five minutes and laugh hysterically. To spice things up, from time to time throw in a fart .
- Wear flip-flops with socks. Preferably white socks. Even better, socks that used to be white. Call them off-white socks for flopping flips.
- Attend an endless number of keg parties. Always drink right from the tap. It's hot. Only drink Budweiser. It's chic and pro-American.
- Buy a big ass truck. Carry an empty keg around town. Stick some 'Dick&Georgie', 'Pro life', 'Save the pink whales' bumper stickers for decor. A plastic Jesus and a fish symbol would give the finishing touch.
- Tell us how much you are inspired by Britney and Jessica.
- Use sophisticated language constructs such as:
"Like", "Ohh my God", "Ohh my Gosh", "She was like 'Doh!' and I was like 'Whateva' ", "I mean".
You them in sequence, use them a lot, repeat as much as possible.
You would be shocked of the amount of information that you can convey this way.
See example below:
"And I was like 'What's your problem?', " And she was like 'You suck'", "And I am like 'Yeah?' I mean, ohh my god, who does she think she is, like I care, you know, what a bitch, whateva' "

Following these simple steps would guarantee you that guys would want to be just friends with you. Actually, even better, they would avoid you at all costs.
But hey, problem solved, they would not want you just because you are attractive, charming and sweet. You will no longer feel objectified. You can be your charming self, by yourself, for yourself.

Hope this helps.

Two days before the day after tomorrow, or the power of "nada"

"How is she?"
"Well, ummm did you ever wake up in the morning totally drunk and cold, on a god knows what beach?"
"No, I can't say I did..."
"Then picture it. You wake up. You feel the cold and wet sand covering your drunk ass. Been raining quite a lot the night before.
You don't know how you got there. But you know you had a few. You've been too tired to get back and too drunk to care. As you wake up you start shivering. And it sucks as you can't control it. Just like all the accumulated cold is just now erupting from inside. You think, 'Now what...' and you feel nada as you are still numb."
"Allright I got the picture. What's next?"
" And then, it happens. Sunrise. Few rays magically showing up on the horizon. No heat reaching you at this moment. The sun is too weak. And yet, you start getting warm inside. It's not anticipation. It's the aknowledgment of light. It gives you perspective and it shows depth. From inside out, from top to bottom."
"I don't know what are you getting at..."
"She's just like that. Sunrise. First rays of sunshine. And what you hope is that the sun keeps rising."
"What happens after sunset?"
"You wake up the next morning. If you are lucky, under the same sun."

Hiking in between hours

“How does it look?”
“Familiar…”
“Is that good or bad?”
“In this particular case, it is at least not good.”
“Looks great from here…”
“It always does. That’s the trick. That’s how it works.”
“Any signs yet?”
“Only the regular “keep trying!” signs”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s just like when you are watching a show, and they tell you to stay tuned for more (BS) “
“And why do you keep going?”
“Because, I might be wrong. Because I can be wrong. Because I hope I am wrong. I need to see where this goes, if anywhere. I need to learn more about it.”
“Any obvious warning signs later on? Can you pull back?”
“I don’t know. Usually, you get a “You have been had sucker” when things go ballistic. You never pull back. You push forward.”
“And go where?”
“You go another way. You go until you’re there.”
“Until you’re where?”
“Home. The new home.”
“How do you know that’s really the new home?”
“You feel home. That never lies. It’s cozy. It’s peaceful. Every morning starts when she smiles. Every day ends when she is asleep. And what is in between we call life.”
“Fo’ real?”
“Fo’ shizzle my nizzle. I don’t know what the fizzuck I am talking about.”

Zen Touch - Or another evening at Starbucks

"Is this a pen?" Terrance, the 'High Priest' asked Andrew, the physics guy, whose name usually eludes me. Then glancing at me, "You know, the only person that got this right in the first shot, was that girl that used to work here, what's her face?"
"Laura", I say.
"Yes Laura. She was very smart. I was surprised she got this right so fast."
I think, "she still is;" I say "Hehe".
Andrew, who's code name will be 'Maxwell' for the purpose of this bit, bails the analysis and gives it a shot: "Well yes, it is a pen..."
"You are attached to shape and form" Terrance sais. "Is this a pen?"
"Well, I don't know... ' hesitating '... no?!"
"You are attached to nothingness. Is this a pen?"
As some kind of silence installs, my playlist goes about it's business. All American Rejects, Paper Heart. Kinda neat, wish my earbuds were on. But at this point in time, it would be kinda rude.
"You remember how fast she got it?"
"Yes I do. I just don't remember the answer." as for some reason, I really don't.
As I realize that 'Maxwell' won't ask what the answer was and Terrance won't volunteer the answer, I feel the need to assume the riddle.
"The only way I can think of this, is that it is a pen if you write with it."
"Well yes," Terrance confirms.
Looking at 'Maxwell', I playing the smartass "The idea is that actions define what we are."
And then I remember. A while back, in the summer, he (Terrance) grabbed my car keys and asked "Is this a car key? "
And then I realize why I didn't get it 'last summer'. The word 'key' throw me off the path. 'Key' is a (go figure) key word. It does not have only shape and form, but also a symbol attached to it. I guess that I am 'attached to symbolism'. Whatta bummer.
"So Terrance", I say "I guess my question for you now is, 'Are you a man?' "
We start laughing. 'Maxwell' says "So, I guess we will know if we are attached to shape and form."
"Or to nothingness" I say. Some laughter follows as Proccessed Beats by Kasabian shows on my playlist. I stick on one earbud and half space out for a while.
And I think how often we forget the simple truth that we are defined by our actions and not by our potential.
What if, using a little bit of Zen Touch, we would attempt to answer some questions for ourselfs:

"Are you a good person?"
"Are you a good lover?"
"Are you creative?"
"Are you strong?"
"Are you human?"
"Are you alive?"
"Are you?"

I bet a Zen answer will reveal quite an impressive amount of attachment to 'nothingness' and/or 'shape and form'. Hell Yes, nothingness is my first bet ...

Shutdown sequence in progress

"There comes a time in every man's life and I had quite a few of those," someone smarter and funnier then me once said.
It is that time, that particular moment when you realize you have to cut your losses. When you realize that, hell, someone has to take out the trash.
I have allowed quite some amount of junk to enter my life in the past year. It is that failure prone feeling that you get sometimes, when you think that people want to change for better. This proves to be a very arrogant and naive assumption. Most people do not want to change. Most people are so afraid of change, that evolution itself stops. Poor Darwin, all that work for nothing...

This might be the exact reason why most people do not deserve to be helped. As nothing is more frustrating then saving some's ass without ever getting a thank you.

It hit me a short time ago when someone told me: "I can't do this, I get a bad vibe about it." I would have been OK with it if I would have actually believed it was about a bad vibe.
But this was about fear. Fear of change. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of feeling anything else than "I've got God so I am ... happy?".
This notion of God has been so abused lately it is sickening. I was reading someone's profile a while ago. In the passions/interests section, the person added God as the first entry. God as an interest. Hobby. Passion. How does that work in one's mind?
- "What do you like to do in your free time dear?"
- "Hmmm, ummm, well, I like to think about God and stuff. I think of it for a while, and then I am like "Ohh My God" you know, "he is sooo cute" and then there is no thinking no more, which you know, it is God's way of telling me that I am doing good, as there is no pain in the not thinking process, you know".

This phenomenon, that I like to call "God stalking" freaks me out. Way too many times people are using God and religion as an excuse for whatever. Too many times you see people self content with their soul selfmutilation just because they go to church on Sundays.

There is a new wave of pseudo-morality and fucked up ethics that starts with:
"I am so gonna lie to myself up to heaven".

I don't understand this ubiquos fear of getting hurt. People are willing to give up everything that is beautiful in this life only to avoid pain and heartache.
With regret I have to say, I do not intend to be on this journey. Yes, no one likes to get hurt but, getting hurt is a NATURAL way of growing as a human. It builds you up. It teaches you what real happiness is.

I choose to take the red pill. It may be that ignorance is bliss, but that is not the blessing I am seeking.

As ( Cartman ) says:

"Screw you guys, I am going home."

Red Pill:
"The red pill is an unknown quantity. We are told that it can help us to find the truth. We don't know what that truth is, or even that the pill will help us to find it. The red pill symbolises risk, doubt and questioning. In order to answer the question, you can gamble your whole life and world on a reality you have never experienced."

Living the dream or surviving the nightmare

A few days ago I heard the funniest thing.
' I have to go to the gym and work out as last night I dreamt that I gained 13 pounds!'. ( that is 5.9 kg in a 'human' measurement system)
OK, obviously, this is something a girl would say and yes, a girl said that. Now, that is not a big deal, we all heard before similar weight based tragedies coming from the beautiful ones.
What I found extremely interesting is how do we form, shape and distort our reality. Needless to say, the girl is an attractive girl and weight control should not be an issue for her.

Why do we let our fears and insecurities to govern our lifes, I wouldn't know.

It takes a 'bad' dream to send you to the gym. It takes day to day stress, a lot of ( surprisingly ) indolence and the inability to fix your own problems to send you jogging.
At the end of your 5-6-7-8-10 miles daily run, you get so tired you don't care about the nasty stinky stuff accumulating in your own life. And yes, it is so much easier to achieve temporary stress relief through your boddy than to get a mental release. I think that what we are really missing in this whole process is that, no matter how many ways you find to hide your problems, no matter how deep you hide your fears, they are going to surface and then, the damage is even greater.
If you end up living your own lies, don't be suprised when the reality knocks you down.

:: Why fixing a problem when you can pretend you don't have one.
:: Why conquering your fears when you can just pretend that you are doing the right thing.
:: Why using your brain when you can always use a predefined set of rules that would save you the trouble of thinking and, god forbid, be wrong about something.
:: Why admiting you were wrong once, when you can keep on being wrong and wrong and wrong just to be consistent with your own lie and be at peace with yourself.

Soon enough, your alternate reality becomes your reality, the bubble becomes perfect and self content as you become self sufficient.
Giving, sharing, caring... Who needs that when you can just pretend that you are doing it.
Image matters and it sels.

Well, it takes a lot to be human. We've kind of lost it. We have a pill for everything and an old answer for every new question.
We did not bring anything revolutionary into this world in the past 40-50 years. And there are so many of us now. Power in numbers? Probably in small numbers as billions doesn't seem to juice it up.

All this started with a sweet girl that had a bad dream. Ohhhhh, the humanity...

Well, cheers for now. Gotta get myself some dreams; I need reasons for tomorrow's schedule.